Life Is A Smorgasbord

Your life is a smorgasbord.

I often host functions, and need to make the decision on whether to have a meal served at the table, or   a buffet.

Having the meal served at the table is usually for a more formal event with speeches, but this limits the guest to two options - most typically the guest is asked "Would you prefer beef or chicken?"

Sure, the guest can choose their preference, but then of course you often have the situation where a guest will be at the restroom and miss the wait staff, and return to a red meat dish when they would have preferred chicken. Or vice versa.

Then consider those with other dietary needs - for example, I am vegetarian. I cannot think of one vegetable I do not like, but I don't eat parmesan cheese (there's a whole other story). On the night of the event, I may be more in the mood for rice and salad than a creamy vegetable pasta dish.

Then there is the issue of portion size. Some at the function will complain they did not receive enough food, while others say they were satisfied.

This is why we need more choices.

My solution to this is to host a buffet meal wherever possible.

Which all led me to thinking how our life is like a smorgasbord.

We have a variety of options to choose from for our life - where to live, what to do to earn money, how to raise our children, and who we want to spend our precious time with.

Too often we see how people (sometimes ourselves), are choosing to stay in situations or be with people they simply do not feel good around.

After many years of self-development training and my own soul-searching, I now like to simplify life.

If you are unhappy in a situation or with certain people, simply choose another option.

(Just like the time you tried eating snails - you didn't like the taste, so you didn't eat it again.)

Before you cry, "But I can't just leave!" (my job/my partner/my friend/my relative), you can.

This is your choice.

Back to the food analogy, would you keep going back to a restaurant where you received bad service?

I wouldn't. I don't. But I have, however stayed in romantic relationships and friendships, where I didn't receive good service, or I felt were simply not good for me (or the other person).

Now I see that I have a choice. I can stay or I can go. I now choose good relationships and good service.

In your life, just like the buffet, you can choose your favourite ingredients and the amount you need to feel satisfied.

You can taste test, try new flavours, and alter the portion size until you get it just right.

Think of your life as a smorgasbord of unlimited choices.

Don't feel you have to accept what you may have once chosen or felt you were dished out.

Our tastes change, our preferences change, and others change.

Your life is your choice.

I love the saying that your life is not a dress rehearsal. This is it.

If you need help with how to go about changing an undesirable situation, please write to me at donna@donnahanks.com

Lots of love from Donna

If you're asking, "Why?"...

I've been studying and teaching self-development for a few years now. I had my first insight when I was 18, and read the poster in the Kalgoorlie Miner staff-room (the regional daily newspaper I worked for) that said, "Change your thoughts and you change your world" by Norman Vincent Peale. 

I felt different. I was intrigued. I then went on to read many self-development books and study programs and would share the ideas with anyone who was mildly interested. "Isn't that amazing?" I thought, and still do. I am still studying the power of the mind and our amazing brain. I often need to remind myself of what I know. I believe that we all possess great knowledge but don't usually apply it. Think of any study you have done. You have learned it. Now we must remember to apply it.

We often learn something, and then slip back into our old habits. How to change will be featured in another blog post.

It's the same with life lessons. I also believe that we receive the same lessons until we get them. We learn from them so that we can progress on our life journey. I believe we receive a life lesson in order not to repeat it, and to help others. Even with tragic events, there will be one positive result from it, and we often can't see this, or understand this, but I believe it to be true. A tragic event can be part of the bigger picture and often causes awareness of a serious issue and therefore prevents a bigger problem. That's an idea I've had, when I question the tragedies of the world.  The best thought for you, if you are involved in a tragedy or very sad event, is that you don't need to understand it. 

I have learned to let go. I know in theory this is the best advice, but not always easy to do in practice.

Let go of everything that causes you unhappiness.

Reframe a belief. 

If your current belief is, "Why did this happen to me?”, you can reframe this to, "I don't need to understand this now, but I will keep on going and I will get through this. I will be strong and brave and be around loving people. One day this may make sense to me, and it may never make sense to me. The best thing I can do right now is to let go of the need to ask "Why", and to be in the present moment."

Being in the present moment, as I've written about in previous posts, keeps us sane and calm. Do whatever you can to be present - as the brilliant Eckhart Tolle tells us in his breakthrough book, "The Power of Now", in the present moment we don't have any problems. I suggest you read this book for the perfect explanation of the power of being in the present.

I can’t know your personal situation, and nor can I understand the sad and tragic events in our world.

I know that I feel deep compassion for anyone who has suffered in any way (that’s most of us), and I love to learn about how to help people feel good, regardless of the situation.

I intended this blog to be about my F.A.B theory, but it then took a turn to write about dealing with a tragedy. Sometimes the blog writes itself. 

My message today is that if you are suffering from a tragedy or sad event, don't ask "Why?", but focus on being present. Be here now, and enjoy what you have, and be with loving people. Talk to someone loving and caring. My business, Love Heart offers coaching for people to change their beliefs and to live a happy life, however this is not an ad for my business. I believe if you need to talk, talk to anyone - it doesn't need to be a counsellor or coach. My best confidantes are my mum and my best friends. 

Be present. Be loving. Be kind. Do whatever you can to feel good. That's the best you can do.

Lots of love,

Donna

x

Feel it and you will have it

This is a little story about when you let go of the need for something, you then have it.

Yes, I have written on this topic before and I love giving new examples.

We know I also love analogies, and how a simple experience can put everything into perspective.

This story is about wanting a lock-up diary.

I wanted a diary with a lock and key, and a few years ago I went searching for one. Not online, but in the shops, and I found some, but not the style I wanted.

I let it go.

Now I see them everywhere, and I buy them when I find them. I have a few in varying designs, and as I love to write (electronically and the old-fashioned way), I write ideas and affirmations in the lockable diaries.

The other day when I was clearing my desk, I had two lock and keys from aforementioned diaries, and recalled how I now see them everywhere, and how once I used to look for them and now they just turn up. I actually played with the padlock and keys, checking they matched (they did), then returned them to the diaries.

The next thing in the area I was de-cluttering, was my favourite handbag from Paris. It is well-worn, but I do not want to throw it away. I bought it in Paris. So no more.

I opened all the zips in the Paris hand-bag, and there was a gorgeous padlock and key to match the handbag - a lovely gold padlock with a key enclosed in the same material as the handbag. Lovely.

So you get my point.

I wanted something. I looked for it. I couldn't find it. I let it go. Then they showed up.

When I was grateful for it, and gave it positive attention, two seconds later there was another one.

I acknowledged how I had found the items. I admired them. I then found more of them.

One of my biggest lessons I teach in self-development coaching is to feel as if you already have what you desire.

If you are looking too hard, you have the energy that you need something. When you no longer need it, but still want it, it's amazing how quickly you then attract it.

This is not just diaries and padlocks, but any item, money, people, experiences and love.

Feel as though you already have what you desire. Believe you have it. Let it go and you will have it.

Love Donna
x

I am Titanium!

There’s nothing like a health scare to see your life differently.

If you have endured a life-changing event such as this, you will relate to my story.

I’ll begin with telling you that I didn’t have a particular symptom about a certain condition, but that I had a strong feeling that I should see a doctor.  Call it my friend instinct.

In summary, I had tests, then more tests, and the current status is that I need more tests and surgery, and am awaiting the outcome. The good news is that they can’t yet see anything ‘bad’, even though they can’t guarantee it. That’s good news, right?

If you’re a friend or family member reading this, and I haven’t told you this news yet, please do not be alarmed and know that I am feeling very optimistic.

As I said to my dear friend who accompanied me to the doctor’s to receive the news of the results, “Who can say whether a diagnosis is ‘bad’ or ‘good’?”

This is when I really needed my own Zen advice – be present, don’t think about what may happen, be here now.

I have studied self-development, the power of the mind and some quantum physics for many years, and it is my greatest passion.

This is the perfect example of needing my own advice. I have helped others in similar situations, and here I was facing a very confronting experiencing and it was terrifying.

Adding to the situation, I have also been experiencing a deeply emotional personal issue that I am not ready to share publicly, but maybe you can read between the lines.

I have always been deeply compassionate for people who have suffered illness, and I gush my sincerest and best wishes on them, now and always.

Writing (as fellow writers and bloggers know) is therapeutic for me – it’s cleansing, and it’s freeing your deep thoughts. If others read my stories, and they feel good and it helps them, then that is a bonus.

The 24 hours between finishing the intensive tests and finding out the result, went something like this – I felt numb, I felt delirious, I was vague, everything was hazy, and a million thoughts went through my head. ‘If I have to have surgery, who will look after my kids?’ was foremost in my mind. ‘What do I tell my kids?’ Was the next most prominent thought. There were some positive ones - other people get through this, I know many people who have suffered through worse situations, I can do it, I will be ok, I am ok. Then negative - I’m not ok. I’m scared. I’m terrified. I feel so alone. Back to positive - I am strong. I am tough. I am well. All is Well.

I wrote, “I am perfect health”* one of my favourite affirmations, on the bathroom mirror and read it and believed it. (Quick plug here for my new product I’m releasing soon – stick on affirmations for your mirrors).

*Thank you Dr Wayne Dyer for this perfect affirmation.

I kept thinking, regardless of the outcome and what the doctor tells me tomorrow, “I am perfect health”. Other people recover from serious illness every day, and I am perfect health.

I am carrying that belief with me and it will remain my belief forever.

I encourage you to believe this too.

After the 24-hour wait, the doctor said that I needed further tests, as the results were not yet clear.

However, my perspective was clear.

Here are 3 startling messages I learned through this experience:

1.            You know what matters, and who matters

The people you need and if they’re available for you – physically and emotionally. There is a difference between someone saying they'll be there for you, and them actually being there in the flesh.  You know who the people are who will be with you in an instant without questioning it.

2.            Money doesn’t matter

Prior to this experience, I was already getting to this conclusion, and this has confirmed it. I still require money to live, but I am no longer emotionally attached to it and it certainly does not make one happy. It is not what I need.

3.            I can do anything

Another belief that I had been warming to, and even though telling myself, “I can”, I didn’t really believe it until now.  At one point I said, “I don’t think I can do this”, but I did, so this confirmed that I can!

Now I feel that any day I don’t have to go to hospital and have x-rays, ultrasounds, biopsies, needles, examinations and a team meeting about “my case” is a good day.

Even a day when I do need to do this, or when I go for surgery, it will still be a ‘good day’ as I am here, and this is my life, and all is well and I am perfect health.

As a bonus, I now have titanium in my body (it’s a marker so the doctors can see where they’ve been) - lots of jokes there.

It reminds me of the song, “I am Titanium”, about being strong and unbreakable. Inner strength is the power. I am superwoman, I am strong, and so is every other person who has been through illness, faced a life-threatening diagnosis, and survived it or not. I now have even more empathy for anyone who has had a similar experience, or worse.

I am titanium!

The Perfect Naked Body

Do you want to see the perfect naked body?

I can tell you where you can see it, but you have to promise not to scream in denial.

Take off all your clothes, and look in the mirror.

Now, before you scream in denial (did you promise you wouldn’t?), please consider my theory.

I believe you (and I) need to love ourselves, inside and out.

If you’re thinking, “Are you crazy? My body isn’t perfect! I thought you were going to tell me where I can see a beautiful body”, then read on.

Firstly, ‘beautiful’ is subjective; what is beautiful to one person is not to another. We all ‘prefer’ a certain look.

Why not ‘prefer’ your own look?

Start by believing your own body is beautiful; inside and out.

Love and accept yourself, as you are now.

This is not a new idea, and one I have subscribed to for many years, although I haven’t always practiced it myself.

I learned a theory many years ago, that I also agreed to; that we choose our own body. This theory also suggests that we choose our parents, and our whole life.

In a simpler manner, surely you can agree that you have contributed in some way to how your body is now.

Sure, genetics play a role. I’ll take that belief too. I have some features like my mum, some like my dad, some like my granny, etc.

We inherit features, but we can also agree to beliefs, just because someone told us that. For example, “All the women in our family have big thighs.”

We have the ability to choose our own lifestyle; what we consume and what activities we do, who we spend time with, and all the important decisions that contribute to our wonderful body.  Doing something differently with your body (even if you have a predisposition to something), can certainly change your body shape.

Take responsibility for how you are now.

I have experienced quite a few lifestyle changes in the last few years, and have a few ailments I’d like to eliminate. I can see these ailments are directly related to my emotional state.

My beliefs tell me that once I totally accept and love my body, then I can heal myself.

I do have a positive self-image, but can still work on this. We all can.

I can go about making changes to my body and changing my thinking to heal myself, but it begins with loving myself as I am right now.

I’ve written a self-development book, I Love You, sub-titled, Love Yourself and Love Others for a Fulfilling Life.

Here is an excerpt from I Love You:

The first step in creating the life you want is to love yourself now. Start with saying aloud, “I love myself now, as I am.”

Love every part of yourself, and if you want to change something, agree now that you will do it. If you don’t want to change it, accept it.

You can love yourself without thinking you are perfect. I use the word ‘perfect’ a lot in my writing and coaching, and I say it to mean that something is ‘perfect for you.’ I can feel perfect as I am right now; even though I still have things I want to change.  I can be working on changes while also loving myself.

Accept yourself as you are now. You need to accept yourself as you are now, to be able to change if you want to.

Love yourself now and want to change. That's the key. I encourage you to think that you’re okay as you are now.  If you love and accept yourself now, as you are, then that creates a good feeling. A good feeling will create more good feelings.

Think to yourself that you can change if you want to. You can do more and you can improve any area of your life (or all of it).

Loving yourself is allowing yourself to be your best.  Think now that you can have your best life.

Take a good look at yourself, inside and out. Look at yourself in the mirror for added effect. Bonus points for your self-development if you can do this naked.  I’m going to call this ‘the naked exam.’ It is like an exam, you are examining yourself. You’re deciding what you want to keep and what you want to change. It’s confronting to strip naked and stare at yourself in the mirror and really accept yourself. I expect this will be emotional. That is the point. When you get emotional about an issue, it’s the ‘fuel’ to motivate you to change what you want. Alternatively, you can do the naked exam and not want to change, but instead just decide that’s who you are and that you are wonderful. I want you to do it for it brings so many benefits. Your emotions could range from pure love to disdain for yourself.  You could feel embarrassed to look at yourself in the mirror. I know some people can’t do this, or they cringe to look at themselves, or they may feel they just don’t want to. Imagine how your life could change if you could do this and feel good about yourself.  You could look at life differently, by having more confidence. You could relax about the little details. You could laugh at yourself more. You could simply enjoy your life more. This could empower you to be your best.

My emotions and reactions to looking at myself naked have changed as I have become more self-assured. (Yes, I take my own advice.) I’m sure they will for you too. I now feel relief that I can confidently look myself square in the eyes and say, “I Love You” and really mean it. Please try this. I’m sure you will reap many positive benefits from it. If you can’t do it naked, start with being clothed. But I strongly suggest you work your way up to ‘the naked exam.’ Look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud, “I Love You” (and say your name). Mean it, and just ‘be’ with yourself. Be alone. Laugh at yourself, if this works for you. Cry if you need to. Get all the emotions out. No one is watching you, this is for you. It will benefit your whole life in my opinion.

If you want to, talk to a friend or partner about how you feel about yourself, and the changes you want to make. You can prefer just to keep this to yourself. Feel the feelings you have about yourself, and only share them if you want to.

If you have really had enough of the status quo, then that is often all the motivation you need to make positive changes. When you really have that feeling of ‘enough,’ or ‘never again,’ it can motivate you to change. This is the ‘fuel’ I mentioned. This can be something about you physically, emotionally, or it could be the way you feel you are being ‘treated.’ I believe that we teach others how we want to be treated. Now is the time to regain control of your life, starting with your assessment of your own self-worth.

How you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself will determine how others treat you, and what you ‘attract’ in your life. It’s all about the energy you radiate, and we’ll talk more about this in forthcoming books.

Put this book down now and go and do ‘the naked exam,’ or do it when you next have the opportunity to be alone.

The good news is that you get to pass your own ‘naked exam.’ You’re the one who decides that you’re amazing, worthy and lovable.

-End of book excerpt-

Now, that was easy, right?

I’m assuming you did the ‘Naked Exam’, and if you didn’t, that you will when you have the next opportunity.

Do you feel empowered? Do you feel like you can now move on and do anything? That was the aim, but if you don’t feel this way, I’d like to hear about any progress.

Looking at yourself naked in the mirror doesn’t need to be a traumatic experience. It is designed to make you feel good.  I believe positive self-talk should be taught in school, but at the very least taught at home, by parents. Tell your own children how wonderful they are. Tell your teenagers they are beautiful, when they are complaining of pimples and changing bodies.  I write affirmations on my bathroom mirror, with just enough room to admire myself, and of course to do my ‘naked exam.’

Do you still want to see that perfect naked body I promised you in the title? You do have the perfect naked body. It is perfect for you. If you want to make changes, then do that. Eat healthier foods and exercise to change your shape and improve your health.

Call me crazy if you like, but please try the ‘naked exam’, and see your life change.

A wise man once said it is crazy to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. It’s the same with your thinking. Change your thinking about your body; love it and it will love you right back.

Embrace the idea that your body is perfect, and see how that feels J

Here’s the link to I Love You book on iTunes: http://tinyurl.com/k23te5n 

Lots of love from Donna