Sunday, September 29, 2013

I am Titanium!

There’s nothing like a health scare to see your life differently.

If you have endured a life-changing event such as this, you will relate to my story.

I’ll begin with telling you that I didn’t have a particular symptom about a certain condition, but that I had a strong feeling that I should see a doctor.  Call it my friend instinct.

In summary, I had tests, then more tests, and the current status is that I need more tests and surgery, and am awaiting the outcome. The good news is that they can’t yet see anything ‘bad’, even though they can’t guarantee it. That’s good news, right?

If you’re a friend or family member reading this, and I haven’t told you this news yet, please do not be alarmed and know that I am feeling very optimistic.

As I said to my dear friend who accompanied me to the doctor’s to receive the news of the results, “Who can say whether a diagnosis is ‘bad’ or ‘good’?”

This is when I really needed my own Zen advice – be present, don’t think about what may happen, be here now.

I have studied self-development, the power of the mind and some quantum physics for many years, and it is my greatest passion.

This is the perfect example of needing my own advice. I have helped others in similar situations, and here I was facing a very confronting experiencing and it was terrifying.

Adding to the situation, I have also been experiencing a deeply emotional personal issue that I am not ready to share publicly, but maybe you can read between the lines.

I have always been deeply compassionate for people who have suffered illness, and I gush my sincerest and best wishes on them, now and always.

Writing (as fellow writers and bloggers know) is therapeutic for me – it’s cleansing, and it’s freeing your deep thoughts. If others read my stories, and they feel good and it helps them, then that is a bonus.

The 24 hours between finishing the intensive tests and finding out the result, went something like this – I felt numb, I felt delirious, I was vague, everything was hazy, and a million thoughts went through my head. ‘If I have to have surgery, who will look after my kids?’ was foremost in my mind. ‘What do I tell my kids?’ Was the next most prominent thought. There were some positive ones - other people get through this, I know many people who have suffered through worse situations, I can do it, I will be ok, I am ok. Then negative - I’m not ok. I’m scared. I’m terrified. I feel so alone. Back to positive - I am strong. I am tough. I am well. All is Well.

I wrote, “I am perfect health”* one of my favourite affirmations, on the bathroom mirror and read it and believed it. (Quick plug here for my new product I’m releasing soon – stick on affirmations for your mirrors).

*Thank you Dr Wayne Dyer for this perfect affirmation.

I kept thinking, regardless of the outcome and what the doctor tells me tomorrow, “I am perfect health”. Other people recover from serious illness every day, and I am perfect health.

I am carrying that belief with me and it will remain my belief forever.

I encourage you to believe this too.

After the 24-hour wait, the doctor said that I needed further tests, as the results were not yet clear.

However, my perspective was clear.

Here are 3 startling messages I learned through this experience:

1.            You know what matters, and who matters
The people you need and if they’re available for you – physically and emotionally. There is a difference between someone saying they'll be there for you, and them actually being there in the flesh.  You know who the people are who will be with you in an instant without questioning it.
2.            Money doesn’t matter
Prior to this experience, I was already getting to this conclusion, and this has confirmed it. I still require money to live, but I am no longer emotionally attached to it and it certainly does not make one happy. It is not what I need.
3.            I can do anything
Another belief that I had been warming to, and even though telling myself, “I can”, I didn’t really believe it until now.  At one point I said, “I don’t think I can do this”, but I did, so this confirmed that I can!

Now I feel that any day I don’t have to go to hospital and have x-rays, ultrasounds, biopsies, needles, examinations and a team meeting about “my case” is a good day.

Even a day when I do need to do this, or when I go for surgery, it will still be a ‘good day’ as I am here, and this is my life, and all is well and I am perfect health.

As a bonus, I now have titanium in my body (it’s a marker so the doctors can see where they’ve been) - lots of jokes there.

It reminds me of the song, “I am Titanium”, about being strong and unbreakable. Inner strength is the power. I am superwoman, I am strong, and so is every other person who has been through illness, faced a life-threatening diagnosis, and survived it or not. I now have even more empathy for anyone who has had a similar experience, or worse.

I am titanium!

No comments:

Post a Comment